


Be My Valentine

by UP2L8



Series: Sex Shop AU [8]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 01:32:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17819306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UP2L8/pseuds/UP2L8
Summary: “No offence,” Roy said, fully intending to be offensive, “but I honestly believe that you are in urgent need of a psychological assessment.”





	Be My Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be ready on Feb. 14. It wasn’t. Sorry about that. ☹

Roy had lived in this city for most of his adult life, so one would think that he’d be used to capricious weather patterns. It was mid February. Twenty below was a seasonally acceptable mood swing after temperatures hovering just below the zero mark all week. So was a windchill ten degrees colder. And bonus: for the first time in over a week, it wasn’t snowing. It was a lovely evening, all thing considered. 

Sure it was. 

Pushing his car door open and letting himself out into the snow, Roy grimaced as he immediately sank ankle deep into fine powder beneath a crust of ice. He made his way cautiously through the parking lot to the sidewalk. The freshly-plowed walkway was treacherous; the layers of snow had been compressed under the treads of the plow to freeze into a corrugated sheet of dirty ice. Someone definitely needed to throw some salt on that bitch. 

As no one was handy to do so, Roy pulled his long coat tighter around him and set out on his slippery way. The wind had picked up, and Roy cursed as he shuffled toward Pothos Boutique, doing his best not to end up on his ass. He made it in one piece and hurried inside. 

To discover that someone had gone a little overboard with the decorations. 

In keeping with the store’s name, the motif was love deities. Although mostly from Greek mythology, there were a number of other cultural references. Thus, erotic illustrations of Pothos, Cupid, and Eros rubbed shoulders – among other things – with Astarte, Anahita, and Min. A vast collection of pink and red paper hearts of varying size were strung from the ceiling, with cardboard cupids liberally mixed in. Every shelf was draped with red lace and pink garlands. Even the Twerking Butt was nestled in a scarlet feather boa inside its protective case. 

It was just way too much red. Roy felt as though he had stepped into the bloody aftermath of a killer tomato apocalypse. 

And it was busy. This close to closing, Roy had expected few customers, if any. Apparently last-minute sex toy shopping was a Valentine’s Day thing. Who could have guessed?  

Anichka was the first salesperson Roy spotted. Pothos’ manager cut a fine figure in a bright red bodycon that showcased her abundant feminine attributes, not that Roy was looking. Much. It was hard not to. She spotted him the moment he walked through the door and smiled, her arm firmly around the waist of a slim, timid-looking man not much older - or much taller - than Edward. 

She motioned for Roy to lock the front door. He did, then scanned the crowded store for the blond focus of his captivation. 

Edward was easy to spot. His golden mane was like a beacon despite the younger man’s stature. Instead of his usual high tail, tonight he had twined it into a gleaming braid that reached below his shoulder blades. Roy found himself entranced; Ed was more striking than ever, wearing neatly pressed dark slacks and a red knit sweater, probably in anticipation of their after-work date, the thought of which made Roy smile helplessly. 

Then he frowned. Ed was currently in the fetish section, engaged with a tall spikey-haired man wearing dark glasses despite the lateness of the hour. The customer was standing far too close to Ed for Roy’s comfort, and the shark-toothed grin he was sporting did nothing to allay Roy’s suspicions as to the man’s intent. 

Not that Roy would interfere. The man was a client, this was Edward’s job, and Edward was fully capable of taking care of himself. 

So instead of stomping over to stake his claim like he really, _really_ wanted to, Roy turned to a beaming Anichka. 

“Good evening, Mr. Mustang,” she greeted. 

“Indeed it is, Ms. Ivanova,” he returned with a smile. “I’m here to take Edward out for a late dinner date. It appears you have a date as well.” 

“Yes,” Anichka said, her grin a disturbing match to the one stretched across the face of Ed’s customer. “This is, er . . . ?” 

“Larry,” the shorter man supplied, running a nervous hand through shaggy brown hair. He offered Roy a shy smile, appearing a little dazed. 

“Ah yes, Larry,” Anichka nodded, giving him a small pat on the hip. “We just met. Larry was feeling down because his girlfriend broke up with him this morning. Since I am currently unattached as well, I suggested that we have dinner together. Larry very graciously agreed.” 

Roy had far more class than to ask why Larry had originally come into the store. Whatever he had been after, it appeared that he had gotten a hell of a lot more than he’d bargained for. 

Berta hurried by with a customer, giving Roy a friendly wave as she passed. Buying coffee for the staff on Boxing Day had certainly put Roy into their good graces. Money well spent, as far as he was concerned. 

But on top of that, Roy rather liked Pothos’ staff. They were a hard-working, professional bunch, earning minimum wage to do a difficult job, and still managing to keep their sense of humor and collective dignity. There were worse jobs out there, and some might suggest that in the current economy they were lucky to be working at all, but that didn’t mean Pothos’ employees didn’t deserve to be respected – which they often weren’t.  

Berta had just finished ringing up her customer’s purchases and was leading her to the door to let her out when Roy heard Edward say, “I’m not interested, so back off,” in an extremely annoyed manner. 

Roy finally allowed himself to look. 

The spikey-haired man was looming over Edward, slowly spinning a pair of handcuffs around a long finger, disturbing leer firmly in place. 

“It’s Valentines Day, kid,” he countered, low and seductive. “You really don’t want to be alone on Valentines Day.” 

“Whether or not I’m alone, on Valentines Day or any other day, is not your business.” Ed’s response was a growl. Being referred to as a kid generally had that effect on his voice. 

Spikey was not deterred. “I’m not talking business. I’m talking pleasure.” 

Roy couldn’t take any more. He hoped Edward would forgive him. 

Strolling over with all the casual grace he could muster, Roy slotted himself in place beside Edward. 

“Hello Love,” he purred. 

“Hello Bastard,” Edward returned with a cheeky grin. 

Instead of being discouraged, Spikey appeared even more interested. He cocked his head to one side, tipped down his glasses, and gave Roy a long, slow once over. Then he smiled, all teeth. 

“Mmmmm,” Spikey rumbled, popping up the fur collar of his jacket and rubbing his hands together. “Me, you, and golden boy here,” he drawled. “We could go all night. What do you say?” 

“How about ‘no’?” Ed said testily. “Is it a language thing? _Non, nein, nyet, bù xíng, laa,_ نه, όχι . . .” 

“Hold up, kid!” Spikey cut in, earning another growl. “I want to hear what lover boy has to say.” 

Roy was too busy staring incredulously to answer right away. Spikey probably thought he was giving the proposition serious consideration. 

Not a chance in hell. 

“No offence,” Roy said, fully intending to be offensive, “but I honestly believe that you are in urgent need of a psychological assessment.” 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Spikey said, grin never wavering. “I think male nymphomaniac would be the correct diagnosis. Or sex addict.” He leaned too far into Roy’s personal space. “Pick the one that turns you on the most.” 

Roy held his ground. “You’ll have to get your fix somewhere else. We’re totally, absolutely, unequivocally not interested.” 

Anichka had approached from Spikey’s rear, and now she spoke up. “Excuse me,” she said in her cold business tone. “It is almost closing time. If you would like to purchase something, please do so. Otherwise, have a pleasant evening.” The ‘elsewhere’ was implied. 

“Hmm,” the customer rubbed his chin, casting his gaze back and forth between Ed and Roy. “There’s so much to choose from. I’m having a hard time deciding. I’d like to purchase the whole package.” 

Everyone in the store, staff and customers alike, pointed to the warning sign behind the counter. 

“Aww, I don’t mean any harm,” Spikey pouted, turning around toward a scowling Anichka. 

His eyes latched on. His wolf whistle was low and smooth. 

The man tipped his glasses down to run his leer over Anichka from head to toe, lingering here and there, and brought out his smoldering sex voice. “I think I just found something else for my shopping cart. How about it, gorgeous?” he said, then shot a dismissive glance toward Larry. “You can bring the puppy too, if you want. He can watch.” 

Instead of cringing, as Roy had expected, Larry drew himself up to his full height. Which wasn’t comparatively much, but still. 

“Asking random people to go to bed with you is rude,” he said, voice only wavering a little. “You should have more respect.” 

That earned Larry some consideration. “Oh my,” the taller man said, amused. “The puppy bites. I wonder if he uses his teeth in bed too?” 

“Oh my,” Larry retuned, not amused at all. “The big dorky guy is never going to find out.” 

“Big dorky guy?” Spikey feigned being shot through the heart. “That’s cold, puppy. I may have to punish you.” A speculative eyebrow shot up from behind dark glasses. “I think you’d enjoy a good spanking.” 

“Look, no one is interested,” Edward said, fed up. “Your best bet is to buy something to spend the night with. We have plenty of options. Choose one.” He folded his arms across his chest. 

Spikey scanned around, meeting everyone’s eyes. They all confirmed what Edward had said. He sighed, looking dejected. “Can’t blame me for trying,” he shrugged. Looking around, he reached out and snatched up a Fleshlight at random. Giving the canister a kiss, he said, “Looks like its just me and me, baby.” 

Roy felt a bit sorry for him. Not that he’d admit it out loud. Someone this thirsty would probably try to parlay the sentiment into a pity fuck, and that was _not_ going to happen. 

Toy paid for, the horny man sauntered out the door, shooting one last leer over his dark glasses at anyone paying attention. Whether or not he was disappointed that nobody noticed went unobserved. 

With Spikey out the door, it was business as usual, or at least, as usual as business ever was in a sex shop. Still, it was close to ten o’clock before all the customers had gone and the day’s substantial earnings were safely locked up. Pothos staff and their respective dates bid each other good night in the parking lot, and were quickly on their way, Roy and Edward included.

Though their date was beginning later than he had anticipated, Roy didn’t really mind. Edward was quiet but appeared content to participate in some easy banter as they drove. It wasn’t a terribly long drive to Roy’s neighbourhood and the restaurant, and though they were late for their reservation, Roy knew the owners would hold it for him. They were old friends after all. 

Valentines Day made for a busy evening in the Beach district, but most evenings were. Though technically not part of the downtown core, Roy’s upscale neighbourhood was a popular entertainment destination in the historic sector of the ‘old’ city. In the summer months thousands of all ages, locals and tourists alike, flocked to the lively and thriving community on the Great Lake’s shore, to take a walk on the Boardwalk, relax by the water, or shop and dine at the rich diversity of stores and restaurants along the main thoroughfare. In mid February the Boardwalk was not an option; Roy’s favorite restaurant, however, was. 

The Rook and Pawn’s entryway was neat but unremarkable. An ornately lettered sign posted over a chessboard background hung by the entrance listing the evening’s menu. It was the only concession to urban décor. Roy opened the door to smoothly usher Edward out of the cold. 

“Good evening, Sir!” Kain Fuery cheerfully greeted them from the small reception counter. 

“Indeed, it is, Sergeant,” Roy returned. “I’m sorry to be late.” 

“No apology necessary, Sir,” Kain said, signalling for the coat check attendant. “Your table is ready.” 

Kain lead them through the busy restaurant to a quiet alcove and Roy’s usual table, a coiffed champagne bottle already chilling in the ice bucket. Roy cast a questioning look to their maître d’, but the restaurant’s co-owner didn’t notice. He was too busy trying to study Edward without appearing to study Edward at all. 

It was to be expected. All of Roy’s friends were understandably curious about Edward. 

By nature, Roy was a private person. His circle of friends was limited to those who had long travelled with him on the rocky road his life described, the people who had gained his hard-earned trust, who he protected, and who had supported him through it all and beyond. He knew he could depend on them through thick and thin. So of course, those friends wondered about this young man with whom Roy was so enamored. 

“Colonel, welcome!” 

The Rook and Pawn’s head chef approached the table, wiping his hands on his apron. Kain stepped back so his heavy-set, red headed partner could shake hands with his former commander. 

“And this must be Edward.” The man drew back to give Edward the once over, grinning from ear to ear. Then he offered his hand. Edward took it for a firm shake. “Heymans Breda. Welcome to the Rook and Pawn.” He slung a beefy arm around Kain’s shoulders and tugged the smaller man in. “Me and Kain, we kind of figured you’d be blond.” 

“Uh, nice to meet you,” Ed said, then gave Roy the side eye. “The ‘Colonel’ has a type, does he?” 

“Not exactly,” Kain said, shrugging Breda’s arm off. “I mean, it’s hard to tell. He doesn’t bring his dates here.” 

“But the only other romantic interest he’s ever expressed was for a blonde, so maybe,” Breda explained. 

Breda and Kain wasted no more time, double teaming to seat their special guests. Roy’s table had been set with care, complete with candles and flowers. The Rook and Pawn had definitely gone over and above. Roy raised his eyebrows at Breda, and the ginger grinned back looking enormously smug, proud of the romantic dinner for two he and his partner had arranged. Kain pulled the bottle of champagne out of the ice and displayed it with a professional flair. 

“Veuve Clicquot Rosé,” Kain stated, accent flawless. “Please have this on the house as a gift from both of us. Happy St. Valentine’s Day!” He poured each a glass and settled the bottle back into the ice. “Our head chef,” Breda saluted with a smirk, “has prepared a special menu for you. Your appetizer will be out shortly. Now, please enjoy your evening.” The two restaurateurs left their guests with a smile. 

“Um . . .” 

Roy looked over to see Edward staring at the candles and flowers on their table. He chuckled, earning a glare. 

“I just reserved a table for two,” Roy defended. “Kain and Breda did the rest of their own accord. It is Valentines Day after all.” Roy leaned in, admiring how the glow of candlelight burnished Edward’s entrancing golden glare. “They’re old friends and enjoy pampering me almost as much as they enjoy teasing me. I’m sure you’ll find that the food is excellent.” 

Edward relaxed, his glare softening. “I think it’s great, how your friends are, like, trying to make everything romantic and shit.” 

Actually, Roy thought so too. Not that he’d ever tell them. They were insufferable as it was. 

Then Ed smiled, big, and bright, and mischievous. “And I already know how much fun it is to yank your chain.” 

As promised, Kain soon returned with their appetizer – an apple and almond brie baked in puff pastry, served with fresh granny smith apple slices artfully arranged on the platter. Edward picked up a slice and used it to scoop up some cheese, popping it in his mouth. His eyes drifted closed, and he sighed blissfully. 

“Amazing,” he murmured. 

Roy agreed. And he wasn’t referring to the food. He picked up his glass and gave it some thought. 

“A toast,” he suggested, and Edward picked up his flute as well, raising an eyebrow. “To an amazing start, to what I hope will be an amazing friendship.” And hopefully, more. 

“And hopefully, more,” Edward said, smiling warmly and echoing Roy’s thoughts. 

“And that is what I find so attractive about you,” Roy returned, gathering up his courage. “You are never afraid to say exactly what you mean.” 

“Well, one of us has to get to the point, Bastard,” Edward said with a grin, clinking Roy’s glass, then sipping his champagne. “Or maybe I should call you Colonel Bastard. It does have a certain ring to it.” 

Roy grimaced. “Please don’t. I’m trying to break my former subordinates out of the habit of addressing me by my rank; they don’t need any encouragement otherwise.” 

And Roy waited, resigned to answer the inevitable questions that were sure to follow. 

Ed opened his mouth. 

“Better eat up, Roy,” he warned. “With food this good, I won’t be held responsible for eating more than my fair share.” 

Roy reached for a slice of apple and loaded it up with cheese, thoughtful. Then it dawned on him. Edward’s friend, Winry, had likely already told him the whole, tragic tale. Ed had seen the scars, just as Roy had seen Ed’s, but Edward already knew the story behind the marks on Roy’s skin, matched to the ones on his soul. 

He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.  

But maybe he should let Ed’s courage guide him. If Edward could speak his mind without fear, then why shouldn’t Roy? 

“I suppose Ms. Rockbell told you all about my illustrious military career,” he started casually. “Sarcasm intended, of course.” 

Edward looked up, surprised. “No,” he said, frowning. “She offered to tell me what she’d found out about you, but I told her that unless you were a convicted ax murderer or something, I didn’t want to know.” His infectious grin was back. “I’d rather get to know you the hard way.” He nipped off a chunk of his apple slice. 

Roy was getting dizzy from this long, swift fall. He hoped he wasn’t falling alone. He didn’t think he was. 

~0~ 

Light fluffy snow danced in the streetlights when they stepped outside of the restaurant. Roy’s arm was itching to settle around Edward’s shoulders as they walked to his car, but he held back, not sure how the younger man felt about public displays of affection. He walked more slowly than usual, reluctant to let the evening come to an end, but at the same time he felt an unsettled restlessness. He wanted to make any excuse he could to linger in Edward's company. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask whether Edward would like another coffee. 

At Roy’s place.

Foolish, of course. They had both been busy lately and had not been out together since Roy’s snowstorm rescue mission had resulted in spending the night on Edward’s couch. While the searing parking lot kiss they had shared had only whetted his appetite for more, Roy didn’t want to push it. They had known each other for less than two months, though it felt much longer. All told, they had been out for coffee a few times, dinner twice counting tonight, had each met some of the other’s most zealous protectors, and while the vision of Edward half clothed and dripping wet came alive in Roy’s memories late at night, he didn’t think that qualified as permission for anything more than perhaps another kiss.  

The problem was, as his aunt had been delighted to point out, that Roy wanted this too badly to take a chance on screwing it up. 

So. Roy would take it slow. 

One of the challenges associated with driving a classic vehicle was the lack of modern conveniences. Remote keyless entry was one. A remote-controlled car starter was another. The first would solve the problem of frozen locks – which Roy took care of by heating his keys up with the lighter he carried for just that purpose. The second would ensure a warm car. Electric seat warmers would have been nice too. 

Oh well. Roy still loved his car. The Mustang had other features that far surpassed those of more current modern-day vehicles. It was hard to think of them just then however, with his ass freezing on the cold leather seat. 

Judging from his charming grimace, Ed appeared to agree, but opened his door to slip gingerly onto the seat anyway. Roy cranked the key to start the car. 

Which immediately stuttered and died. 

Oh hell, not this again. 

Roy shoved the gearshift into neutral and cranked the key. 

Nothing. 

He depressed the clutch and tried again. 

Nothing. 

Roy leaned his head against the steering wheel, then looked sideways over at Edward, who was trying not to smile for some reason. 

“I’m sorry Ed,” Roy said. “It looks like you’ll have to Uber. I’ll cover the cost of course.” 

“Let’s share, then,” Ed suggested. “I’ll wait with you for the tow truck and then we can get a cab or whatever.” 

“I can call Roadside Assistance from home,” Roy explained. “I live two blocks down and around the corner.” 

And then he gathered his courage again. 

“Would you like to come over?” Roy asked. “I have coffee. And almond milk. And a lot of sugar. And a fireplace.” And a big, warm bed. 

“Do bears generally sleep in the woods?” Edward wondered. 

It looked like Roy’s baby was playing matchmaker tonight. 

Which was how Roy discovered a new reason to love his old car.

**Author's Note:**

> Yup. Next one started. Gonna get steamy. 😊


End file.
